Dictionary Definition

I was watching TV with Suegrita and Mi novio when a commercial for a cancer foundation came on. Somehow, it was brought up that my dad is a cancer survivor. Suegrita asked if he was OK, and I said yes. Then she asked it it was malignant or benign. I said, "Well, it was malignant, but he's fine now." She then proceeded to "clarify" for me that malignant meant that they caught it too late and there was nothing they could do; benign indicated that there was still time to do something. I looked at her with a mixture of shock, horror, and confusion. "No," I said, "malignant means that it's dangerous, but there could still be enough time. Benign means that there's no problem in the first place." But there was no convincing Suegrita of the accuracy of my statements. Afterall, she had been a nurse when she was younger. What's a young, inexperienced idiot like me to do? Clearly, I am no where near at her level of intelligence and common sense.

Unwanted Help

One of my biggest pet peeves (at least for this summer, while I'm living with Mi novio) is that his mom comes into his room and cleans it. At the beginning of the summer, I made Mi novio tell Suegrita that we were going to be clean and neat, and that she therefore shouldn't come in to clean it. Which really means "Stay out". It's not that I object to someone cleaning up after me; that's totally fine. It's the fact that since I'm living there, she is seeing and touching and going through my things. That I'm not cool with. I don't want anyone interacting with my dirty underwear, seeing my bras in the drawer, moving things from where I put them and expect them to be. But if I'm going to be 100% honest, the part the really bugs me the most is that her tidying up the room puts her in close proximity to three things I'd rather she didn't see: a giant bag of condoms, a giant bag of lube, and a giant purple vibrator. Suegrita, I think it'd just be best if this practice didn't continue.

Toothbrush Troubles

Everyday, when Estupido brushes his teeth, he gags like he's about to vomit everywhere. Mi novio says it's because he's sticks his toothbrush so far back in his mouth, it triggers his gag reflex. Friends, that sound and the accompanying image that burns itself in my head is 100% disgusting. Why on Earth would he be doing this? Does he think that part of good dental hygiene includes brushing your throat?! I can't take it anymore. It's like the worst thing to wake up to in the morning. The sound of a man, tickling his tonsils with a toothbrush and subsequently almost throwing up everywhere. Estupido, for your benefit and mine, stop this disgusting practice!

Moldy Strawberries

Suegrita made a hot fruit shake out of moldy strawberries. And then expected me to drink it. AS IF! I don't care what you might say about mold being harmless, mold is mold and I'm not eating any. Plus, the hotness of the drink (a direct result of it being 90 degrees outside, her not adding any ice, and using a blender) is actually disgusting and makes me want to vom. Add in mold, and there is no way in hell I'm drinking that concoction. Screw Latin propriety about eating and drinking everything that's offered to you. I'd rather not.

The Characters

Suegrita: Spanish for mother-in-law; my boyfriend's mother.
Estupido: Spanish for stupid; my boyfriend's step-father.
Cuñadita: Spanish for sister-in-law; my boyfriend's elementary school-aged sister.
El Terror: Spanish for "The Terror"; my boyfriend's pre-school-aged brother.
Mi Novio: Spanish for "My Boyfriend"; my boyfriend himself.
Preciosa: Spanish for "precious"; me.

Listen, I love my boyfriend. And his family is very good to me. But like in any family, there are things that happen that I can't stand. And unfortunately, since it isn't my family, I can't say anything because it will just come of as rude. This blog is my personal FML.